Last month my youngest daughter won a prize in a school activity, and in choosing what that prize would be she chose two rings, one for herself and one that she gave to her older sister.

At dinner that night she was excited to show me what she’d won, and to describe the events of the day. She had already given her older sister the other ring, and they both showed me their new and highly valued treasures. I shared their enthusiasm and asked how they were won, and I (along with my wife) celebrated with them both a day well lived. I also shared with them that these rings reminded me of a previous story just two years prior:

Our girls are two years apart and the oldest had just begun kindergarten at the time. As she started kindergarten her younger sister missed her counterpart and playmate for the bulk of each day and was struggling with the separation. As the younger expressed her sense of loss in connection and time with the older sister she shared a desire to give her something… something the older could take with her to school to remember her younger sister by. As I explored the different gift possibilities with her, we came to settle on a pair of rings. One ring that each girl could wear and remember the other one by when they were apart.

So this younger sister got her savings out and we spent the better part of the day going to different shops (4 to be exact) to find the perfect rings for the task. She eventually settled on some that had small flowers on them and made her purchase. I was proud of her as she made this purchase and presented this gift to her older sister later that evening. I was proud of her for struggling with the sense of loss that she felt in the sudden absence of her older sister. I was proud of her for striving to find a way to maintain that meaningful sense of connection with her sister in the midst of changing circumstances that imposed their separation. I was proud of her for giving serious consideration to what kind of gift would be most appropriate for the task (which reflects the meaning of the gift itself). I was proud of her for spending her own money on the gift, as all meaningful connections and relationships involve sacrifice… a giving of oneself to and for the other. And I was proud of both girls in their mutual love for and valuing of one another in the whole exchange.

I think the rings lasted about a week before they were lost. But the sense of growth and connection these items played a small role in facilitating has a continuity far exceeding any material object. That growth and connection is now rooted in the lives they live today, and serves as a foundation on which more connections and growth continue to build.

*Accompanying music for this post is (Not Fire, Not Ice), by Ben Harper. Find this song in the upper right hand side of the screen to listen.

Not Fire, Not Ice, Ben Harper & the Innocent Criminals, Live from Mars