Tag: Meaning

Meaningful Connections

Last month my youngest daughter won a prize in a school activity, and in choosing what that prize would be she chose two rings, one for herself and one that she gave to her older sister.

At dinner that night she was excited to show me what she’d won, and to describe the events of the day. She had already given her older sister the other ring, and they both showed me their new and highly valued treasures. I shared their enthusiasm and asked how they were won, and I (along with my wife) celebrated with them both a day well lived. I also shared with them that these rings reminded me of a previous story just two years prior:

Our girls are two years apart and the oldest had just begun kindergarten at the time. As she started kindergarten her younger sister missed her counterpart and playmate for the bulk of each day and was struggling with the separation. As the younger expressed her sense of loss in connection and time with the older sister she shared a desire to give her something… something the older could take with her to school to remember her younger sister by. As I explored the different gift possibilities with her, we came to settle on a pair of rings. One ring that each girl could wear and remember the other one by when they were apart.

So this younger sister got her savings out and we spent the better part of the day going to different shops (4 to be exact) to find the perfect rings for the task. She eventually settled on some that had small flowers on them and made her purchase. I was proud of her as she made this purchase and presented this gift to her older sister later that evening. I was proud of her for struggling with the sense of loss that she felt in the sudden absence of her older sister. I was proud of her for striving to find a way to maintain that meaningful sense of connection with her sister in the midst of changing circumstances that imposed their separation. I was proud of her for giving serious consideration to what kind of gift would be most appropriate for the task (which reflects the meaning of the gift itself). I was proud of her for spending her own money on the gift, as all meaningful connections and relationships involve sacrifice… a giving of oneself to and for the other. And I was proud of both girls in their mutual love for and valuing of one another in the whole exchange.

I think the rings lasted about a week before they were lost. But the sense of growth and connection these items played a small role in facilitating has a continuity far exceeding any material object. That growth and connection is now rooted in the lives they live today, and serves as a foundation on which more connections and growth continue to build.

*Accompanying music for this post is (Not Fire, Not Ice), by Ben Harper. Find this song in the upper right hand side of the screen to listen.

Not Fire, Not Ice, Ben Harper & the Innocent Criminals, Live from Mars

Shared Meaning

A while back I was listening to a podcast interview with Mary Catherine Bateson, an accomplished linguist and anthropologist from George Mason University. She is also the daughter of the two famous anthropologists Margaret Mead and Gregory Bateson. Mary Catherine’s interview was loosely based on the theme of her book Composing a Life, and as I listened I was struck by the following statement she made:   

We talk in this country often about property rights, we talk more rarely about the shares people have in each other’s lives and about people’s rights to participation and pleasure, especially at the moments of passage. The right to throw a handful of earth on a coffin, the right to stand up to catch a tossed bouquet and dream of one’s own future wedding, to kiss the bride or groom, or hold a newborn. Couples today devise new rituals or set up housekeeping in ways most meaningful to themselves but without wondering if that meaning is something owed to a larger community.

Mary Catherine Bateson, Composing a Life, On Being podcast

This is just the kind of brilliant observation that a grounded anthropologist would make. And it makes me uncomfortable… in a good way. It makes me uncomfortable because I myself am composing a life and family grounded in what is most meaningful to me, and far too often without regard for those others around me (in my larger family and community) who have contributed to that meaning and value. This quote challenges and balances my rather strong individualistic tendencies by highlighting the relational and communal contexts that I rest in and draw from. My successes and accomplishments in life are not strictly mine… they rest upon the supports, encouragements, beliefs and values, efforts, sacrifices, hopes and dreams, visions, graces, mercies, loves, and investments of a vast web of family and community that make them possible.

Here again is the importance of balancing autonomy/ individuality with connection/ togetherness, both must be honored. I am reminded of so many people in reflecting on this who have loved me well, and for so long. And this leaves me grateful, but also humbled… because I have often just taken them for granted. I hope to grow in this gratitude and humility… I need it.  

*Enjoy the accompanying music to this post by James Taylor… Shower the People. This song can be found at the upper right side of the blog.

James Taylor, Shower the People, Greatest Hit

Find the podcast interview with Mary Catherine Bateson at the On Being site here: https://onbeing.org/programs/mary-catherine-bateson-composing-a-life-aug2017/