A while back I was listening to a podcast interview with Mary Catherine Bateson, an accomplished linguist and anthropologist from George Mason University. She is also the daughter of the two famous anthropologists Margaret Mead and Gregory Bateson. Mary Catherine’s interview was loosely based on the theme of her book Composing a Life, and as I listened I was struck by the following statement she made:
We talk in this country often about property rights, we talk more rarely about the shares people have in each other’s lives and about people’s rights to participation and pleasure, especially at the moments of passage. The right to throw a handful of earth on a coffin, the right to stand up to catch a tossed bouquet and dream of one’s own future wedding, to kiss the bride or groom, or hold a newborn. Couples today devise new rituals or set up housekeeping in ways most meaningful to themselves but without wondering if that meaning is something owed to a larger community.
Mary Catherine Bateson, Composing a Life, On Being podcast
This is just the kind of brilliant observation that a grounded anthropologist would make. And it makes me uncomfortable… in a good way. It makes me uncomfortable because I myself am composing a life and family grounded in what is most meaningful to me, and far too often without regard for those others around me (in my larger family and community) who have contributed to that meaning and value. This quote challenges and balances my rather strong individualistic tendencies by highlighting the relational and communal contexts that I rest in and draw from. My successes and accomplishments in life are not strictly mine… they rest upon the supports, encouragements, beliefs and values, efforts, sacrifices, hopes and dreams, visions, graces, mercies, loves, and investments of a vast web of family and community that make them possible.
Here again is the importance of balancing autonomy/ individuality with connection/ togetherness, both must be honored. I am reminded of so many people in reflecting on this who have loved me well, and for so long. And this leaves me grateful, but also humbled… because I have often just taken them for granted. I hope to grow in this gratitude and humility… I need it.
*Enjoy the accompanying music to this post by James Taylor… Shower the People. This song can be found at the upper right side of the blog.
James Taylor, Shower the People, Greatest Hit
Find the podcast interview with Mary Catherine Bateson at the On Being site here: https://onbeing.org/programs/mary-catherine-bateson-composing-a-life-aug2017/
Life Existante 